Still Crying

When my heart was broken the agony was too much to bear
I was speechless, so everyone else tried to explain my cares
How can they know the feelings I tried to hide?
His defense to what they thought is what made everyone take sides.

I wasn’t dreaming, but I figured he always knew
That I tried to be something I wasn’t and bit off more than I can chew.
I couldn’t juggle more than one but I felt guilty over the heart I supposedly broke
How could I know he was lying just to make a joke?

Destroying my heart because he was too jealous to accept the fact
That I wanted someone else who possessed everything that he lacked.
Mystery is poetic and the lyrics he made kept me flowing
I just knew with him by my side he could give me a reason to keep going.

Beauty is fleeting and charm is forever deceptive
But I was walking with the blind and my sight has been finally corrected.
He wanted me to understand hurt, so I would know how it feels
What he didn’t know is I was already in the car of pain with someone else behind the wheel

I opened bottles with pills determined to devour every last one
I just couldn’t understand where the accusations were coming from
Each day I prayed for the moment that it would stop
I held everything up for so long until I finally let it all drop.

They laughed and they mocked and my love joined along in song
The guilty applauded as though innocent and couldn’t see the wrong
I was accused of lying and manipulating the facts
But what they didn’t explain is how I was trying to defend him from their attacks

Over and over again they repeated his words so they stuck like knives
But I refused to believe a truth surrounded by lies.
To his defense I came but only One came to mine
He comforted me at night, while I was only my bed still crying,

"Vengeance is a Dish Best Served Cold" - Kill Bill

I have waited for vengeance and it never came. I waited in vain for my enemies to hear the trumphet sound off at my name. I dreamed of great riches along with fortune and fame. I wanted to be the one screaming " check mate " at the end of the game.

Vengeance is not for the pure in heart. I can imagine the words and the stance I would take, but in the end I would only fill pity for the ones subjected to my own wrath and then pity would fall on myself. I can not avenge what has already been avenged. I can only wait in line for the day to come, when truth overrides any and every lie.

Transparency

If I am to encourage another, can I hide my own flaws while professing for another to forgive themselve for theirs. Once upon a time, I was angry with the world. Angry with my life. Angry in love. I chose to hurt than to love. I chose to bury myself in what I believed was the truth. But once it all unraveled I realized the truth I thought I knew, were just made up pieces of fairy tale. A fairy is for entertainment purposes only, but my heart was not a fairy tale. I experienced people entertaining themselves off from the hurt within my heart. Digging the knife deeper and deeper, while sharpening it each day. I hid these moments only because of the concern I had for the person holding the knife. How can you tell someone that the knife they are holding will eventually be the knife used to take their life. While all the while they receive the sheer enjoyment of watching you in agonizing pain, plead with a ghost for your life.

To Love Again

I am starting to understand what real love is. I once believed I fell in love with a swagger, a persona created out of sheer disdain for personal perfection. Absence makes the heart grow fonder, but only when the truth has only been hidden under a barrel of lies. You try to redeem yourself, but that doesn't work. You wait patiently for the person to see the truth, but that doesn't work. You cry out to another, but that doesn't work. If real love doesn't hurt, why am I still hurting. Not from reciprocated love, but from rejected love.

Money Troubles

I am a woman who loves to shop, but when disaster struck, no amount of shoes could pay the debt I owed. Saving is easier if you put it to a good cause. When you do good for others, good will return to you. If you see a poor man on the side of the road, will you help him? Or will you keep going because you do not want to catch his disease of poverty. Poverty comes to those who withold from the ones who truly need it. What is better, to help a poor man who has no shoes, or to have the new stilleto design while riding the city bus?

Pause For The Cause

I have stopped writing only for a moment. I had to take a pause and re-evalaute my surroundings. Friends will come and go, be a friend to yourself first and a real friend will follow suit. You can not keep a friend when your enemies are trailing behind to watch you fall. Some friends are not friends at all, just enemies in disguise. Recognize them. They harbor jealousy in their hearts and disguise it with flattery.

Do Not Worry

Do not worry yourself about tomorrow, because today has its own problems