Still Crying

When my heart was broken the agony was too much to bear
I was speechless, so everyone else tried to explain my cares
How can they know the feelings I tried to hide?
His defense to what they thought is what made everyone take sides.

I wasn’t dreaming, but I figured he always knew
That I tried to be something I wasn’t and bit off more than I can chew.
I couldn’t juggle more than one but I felt guilty over the heart I supposedly broke
How could I know he was lying just to make a joke?

Destroying my heart because he was too jealous to accept the fact
That I wanted someone else who possessed everything that he lacked.
Mystery is poetic and the lyrics he made kept me flowing
I just knew with him by my side he could give me a reason to keep going.

Beauty is fleeting and charm is forever deceptive
But I was walking with the blind and my sight has been finally corrected.
He wanted me to understand hurt, so I would know how it feels
What he didn’t know is I was already in the car of pain with someone else behind the wheel

I opened bottles with pills determined to devour every last one
I just couldn’t understand where the accusations were coming from
Each day I prayed for the moment that it would stop
I held everything up for so long until I finally let it all drop.

They laughed and they mocked and my love joined along in song
The guilty applauded as though innocent and couldn’t see the wrong
I was accused of lying and manipulating the facts
But what they didn’t explain is how I was trying to defend him from their attacks

Over and over again they repeated his words so they stuck like knives
But I refused to believe a truth surrounded by lies.
To his defense I came but only One came to mine
He comforted me at night, while I was only my bed still crying,

"Vengeance is a Dish Best Served Cold" - Kill Bill

I have waited for vengeance and it never came. I waited in vain for my enemies to hear the trumphet sound off at my name. I dreamed of great riches along with fortune and fame. I wanted to be the one screaming " check mate " at the end of the game.

Vengeance is not for the pure in heart. I can imagine the words and the stance I would take, but in the end I would only fill pity for the ones subjected to my own wrath and then pity would fall on myself. I can not avenge what has already been avenged. I can only wait in line for the day to come, when truth overrides any and every lie.

Transparency

If I am to encourage another, can I hide my own flaws while professing for another to forgive themselve for theirs. Once upon a time, I was angry with the world. Angry with my life. Angry in love. I chose to hurt than to love. I chose to bury myself in what I believed was the truth. But once it all unraveled I realized the truth I thought I knew, were just made up pieces of fairy tale. A fairy is for entertainment purposes only, but my heart was not a fairy tale. I experienced people entertaining themselves off from the hurt within my heart. Digging the knife deeper and deeper, while sharpening it each day. I hid these moments only because of the concern I had for the person holding the knife. How can you tell someone that the knife they are holding will eventually be the knife used to take their life. While all the while they receive the sheer enjoyment of watching you in agonizing pain, plead with a ghost for your life.

To Love Again

I am starting to understand what real love is. I once believed I fell in love with a swagger, a persona created out of sheer disdain for personal perfection. Absence makes the heart grow fonder, but only when the truth has only been hidden under a barrel of lies. You try to redeem yourself, but that doesn't work. You wait patiently for the person to see the truth, but that doesn't work. You cry out to another, but that doesn't work. If real love doesn't hurt, why am I still hurting. Not from reciprocated love, but from rejected love.

Money Troubles

I am a woman who loves to shop, but when disaster struck, no amount of shoes could pay the debt I owed. Saving is easier if you put it to a good cause. When you do good for others, good will return to you. If you see a poor man on the side of the road, will you help him? Or will you keep going because you do not want to catch his disease of poverty. Poverty comes to those who withold from the ones who truly need it. What is better, to help a poor man who has no shoes, or to have the new stilleto design while riding the city bus?

Pause For The Cause

I have stopped writing only for a moment. I had to take a pause and re-evalaute my surroundings. Friends will come and go, be a friend to yourself first and a real friend will follow suit. You can not keep a friend when your enemies are trailing behind to watch you fall. Some friends are not friends at all, just enemies in disguise. Recognize them. They harbor jealousy in their hearts and disguise it with flattery.

Do Not Worry

Do not worry yourself about tomorrow, because today has its own problems

Remember Your Worth

Hold your ground and stick to your word. Some men prey on the weak but your weakness can sometimes be attributed to your greatest strength. If you allow your weakness to control your actions your only going to enhance the flaw in your strength. Remember what your worth, if your considered wholesale, don't allow yourself to be treated like clearance.

Overpower Mentality

Sometimes the manipulation is worse than the underlying truth. I read an article about men who are considered emotional sluts. These are the men that come into your lifes with complaints of being unhappy in their current relationships. These men only feed on the one part of a woman that makes her the most vulnerable. Her emotions. Beware of a man complaining of an unhappy partnership. Ask yourself this question, if he is truly unhappy then why would he want to continue to dwell on his unhappiness if he is expressing that you could be someone to change is mind. He is not being genuine. His relationship will not end and you will be left with the icky remnants of the emotion that coincides with denial.

Through The Looking Glass

Sometimes a dirty window only needs to be cleaned in order to let light shine through. Past mistakes become future regrets only if you continue to repeat a vicious cycle. Read in between the lines, the story is not as deep as originally anticipated

Track Star

Overcoming an obstacle is just like jumping a hurdle. Sometimes you have to stop hesitating and just jump.

On To The Next Chapter

Sometimes life will throw you curveballs, and the only thing you can do is choke up on the bat and swing away.

Dont Fear The Intimidation

Fear of the unknown is still inevitable, but don't fear the unknown through intimidation. Intimidation is a sign of weakness. Don't fall victim to someone elses short comings.

What You Reap Is What You Deserve

Know that the good and the bad coincide with each other. Even though the bad is not known right away, eventually it will show its face.

Don't Complain In Vain

Men are not mind readers. If an issue has occurred and it was not expressed at the time of occurrence, then it should not be relevant enough to bring up only to enhance another complaint. Men are simple; they can only fix one problem at a time.

Seperation Anxiety

Sometimes you have to seperate confusion from the source. If you can manipulate the source, confusion is reverted. Play Smart.

When Rumors Live

Rumors only live when you give a reaction. But how can someone already know the answer to a question that they have not asked you. If you have defended yourself to no avail, stop. Your defense only feeds what they didn't know about you.

Do What You Say, Say What You Mean

We often change our minds given a situation or circumstance. But if your being told its just the way you think, you may want to take your own good advice. Your mind may tell you there is a problem, but your emotions find a way to alleviate the problem. Its better to hurt a little emotionally than to derail yourself mentally.

Who Cares ????

Dont believe no one cares about your personal feelings. But if your feelings are so personal and your leaving out specific details, why would anyone care if you say your hurt, but they don't know what the hurt is or where it came from, or when it happened. No one will spend that much time figuring out a riddle that you have the answer to but haven't told. People care, they just care about themselves more.

The Truth Come With No Light

When you obtain the truth, it can seem like a weight has been placed on your shoulders, but sometimes the truth thats unknown is the reaction that is awaited upon. Don't let on immediately when you know the truth. Sometimes you just have to wonder how long people will lie directly to you and still believe that you'll never know your being misled.

Love Vs. Lust

Love and Lust share similar qualities but are very distinct in their own right. Love endures all things, lust just covers them up. Don't misinterpret lust for love. You'll get confused in the two and lust in the part of love that is harder to come back from. Treat yourself with respect, becuase no one else will until you demand it.

She Loves, He loves

Don't feel ashamed if you have given your love and it was not recriprocated. Sometimes misleading actions can lead to an unstable condition. Love openly, but be wise.

"Wish Them Well"

Sometimes you have the wish the people in you life, well regardless if they have wronged you or if you have wronged them. Don't let others manipulate you from your goals in life. Some people only latch on to the anger because if comforts them, but anger is still cruel and fury is still overwhelming.

Take Your Time

Allow yourself time to heal after a war wound. You'll never know how much strength you will need in order to endure your next battle.

Good Woman vs ........

A good woman is easy to find, but don't believe just because your a good woman a man should automatically want to be with you. Men do not hone in to those special qualities that make a woman, so focusing on your own goodness will eventually break that woman, because who can say they are good enough to face their own flaws?

Why Wait ?

Don't wait around to find love. Love does not send announcements when it comes, so how do you know if love is in front of you, if your still waiting on it. Ease your mind, You'll have plenty of experience being impatient in love, so let it come on its own. When you go looking for love, your asking for trouble.

Know When To Be A Kid......

Enjoy the good moments, because the bad will always loom in the distance but if you don't learn to enjoy the good, you'll forever live in the moments of the bad.

Open The Door

Don't be afraid of whats on the other side of opportunity. If someone is meant to be apart of your future, they will be waiting for you on the other side.

K-9 Analogy

“ Men are dogs " is a common phrase used when referring to some men, but no one ever mentions the phrase " When you lay down with dogs, expect fleas. " If you choose to get a dog, then choose to train him to become loyal companions. A trained dogs' loyalty is only reserved for his trainer.

Celebrate Boys Who Will Become Men

With the growing number of men raised in fatherless homes, the pressure for a man to become a man is intensified. Because of this, a man's vulnerability will become is weakness. Do not blame a boy for his actions before he becomes a man. Some loves are envisioned but are not meant to be. Don't waste time on boys just because you think anything is still possible. Fairy tales are only for children.

Everybody Has Skeletons

Everyone has skeletons, some get exposed and some don't. Don't be afraid of your own skeletons. If you didn't want anyone to know about it, you shouldn't have done it. If people exploit your skeletons, it’s only because of the lengths you took to keep them concealed. Once exposed, be relieved, skeletons have to be continuously buried and the work it took to keep it hidden will only be in vain once revealed. Don't be ashamed of your past. Look forward to your future.

Accept, Don't Allow

Accept the fact that a man will be a man, but do not allow a man to disgrace your title as a woman. A man can only do what you allow him to do. Don't allow a man's word to convince you against what is right. You have the ultimate power. Use it !!!!

Get Out And Mingle

Sometimes when we feel ourselves being held back, its only because we are afraid to have the courage to move forward. If you allow past experiences to hinder your ability to pursue your own happiness, you will always hold yourself back and miss an opportunity when it knocks. Fear of the unknown is inevitable, but who knows what tomorrow will bring?

Patient and Kind

When we believe we are ready to handle everything love will throw at you, we sometimes lose sight of the true understanding of love. For woman, love comes easily, but the heart takes longer to overcome the break. Be patient in love for hasty actions lead to a hasty destruction. Be kind to yourself in love, and love will be kind in return.

Believe What You Know, Not Just What You Hear

As woman, our intuition is sometimes redirected by our emotions. Our heart encompasses the action behind every move we make, but our mind is what allows us to control those moves. A man will only see what is logical according to his perception. We only see whats logical according to our emotions. Allowing your emotions to alter your perception will only result in the response of the destruction of any relationship. A man is not capapable of understanding the full capacity of where a womans emotions are derived from. Harness your female intuition in order to see clear skies in a cloud filled with emotion.

Rationalize Your Emotions

Realize your emotions are embedded into your genetic make - up. You will never escape them. If your emotions are strong enough to stump your thought - to - mouth responses, then you are feeling an emotion that you don't fully understand. If you can't understand your own emotions, then it may be misguided. A & B will always come after another, so if you reach "C" before "B", then you missed a step.

Know Your Power

Some women believe their power lies within the most sacred part of a woman. Your pearl should only be seen as the core to your true power. If you allow your mind to believe your pearl is your only power, you will not only tarnish your pearl, but you will also weaken your true power. Your power is what enhances your pearls beauty. A beautiful mind is a terrible thing to waste.

Stare At Your Reflection

Some will not see the mirror image of their own reflection until that mirror is already broken. When you stare at your reflection long enough, you can see your imperfections. Don't allow anyone to continuously point out your imperfections once you have acknowledged yours, and they still haven't.

Know Your Beauty

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Every woman has a moment that seems to be her darkest moments, but real beauty does not shine until you break away from an ugly situation.

Stepping Back

Don't be embarrassed when you stumble backwards. Accept the fact that you fell, shake yourself off, and keep walking. Its not about how hard you fall, but about how long it takes you to pick yourself up again.

Deceit

Vicious words can lead to a malicious perception, but deceit can only be seen if deceit is in the heart.

Real Friends, Stay Real Friends

No can make your real friends believe a truth that they don't already know about you. A real friend has endured your struggles, a real friends has endured your pain, a real friend has seen the destruction in anger. If a friend can become your enemy by the utterance of mere words, then why did you put that much value in this person to call them the word friend.

Dress For The Occassion

We sometimes allow our personal feelings to reflect our outward appearance. In doing this, we are only inhibiting those personal feelings to stay in our mindset. Get out of bed and get dressed. No one will see your worth until you start to show it to yourself.

Hold Your Tounge

As woman we can sometimes allow our mouths to get us in trouble, whether its through petty gossip or spontaneous eruptions of unreasonable thought. Gossiping has no advantages, it only feeds a jealous foe and only anger stands in front of jealousy. Unreasonable thought only lashes back with reasonable correction. Be quiet. Silence really is golden.

Who Knows You

No one can understand the complexities of the mind if the perception has been manipulated.

Don't Look Back

When you look back, your only looking for, what if. What if I’m wrong, what if this is a mistake, what if I’m missing out on an opportunity? But if you’re contemplating walking away, you should already know the answer.

Relax

We sometimes spend more time trying to impress others, and less time trying to understand why we feel the need to impress. Why make someone important enough to disrupt your life. Relax. If they were a significant piece in your life, you wouldn’t need their approval.

Day To Day

Day to day we wake up with anticipation for the unknown, but how can you anticipate something when your routine has not changed? If everyday is the same, whose hope are you waiting for? Whose dreams have you eluded? Failure is an option if you never try to succeed.

Follow Your Own Path

We sometimes look to each other for inspiration. But don't confuse inspiration with imitation. Realize the reason why your paths may have crossed. Each path has its own roadblocks. If you are barely sustaining the strengths of your own roadblocks, don't pump yourself up to take on someone else’s.

Selfless Hurts

Sometimes the pain we have inflicted on others, hurts deeper than the pain inflicted on you. Some hurts cannot be rectified. Some things cannot be mended. Intentional hurts during remorse can seem selfish but in the end it will be seen as for the best. Attempting to mend an already broken relationship over remorse is selfish. You only fill guilty once you realized the amount of pain you inflicted. If a person is in your past, they are just in your past. If reliving the good moments only makes you relive the bad, then why continue to repeat the vicious cycle. True love for another is learning when to not try to fix what’s already broken.

Stop and Listen

Confusion only happens when you believe certain details in a situation are missing. But the details are only relevant if the picture painted is distorted. The only remedy for confusion is more confusion. Stop looking for the truth and listen for the truth to reveal itself. You'll soon found out the answer your looking for is right in front of you. Open your eyes and stop searching for an inevitable truth. Sometimes, it's better to wait in the dark.

Not What It Seems

As woman we can sometimes allow our imaginations to run wild. We read situations with more emotion than rationale. In doing this we all have come short of the right answer only to be given logical proof that what we are feelings is not valid. We are driven by our emotions, a man cannot relate, your viewpoint may not be valid, but your feelings are still real. Don't let your mind wander aimlessly and lose sight of the truth. If you think something is going on, just wait on someone to bring it to you. You actually may be right, but just don't know it yet. Don't be presumptuous, anyone can tell you how wrong you are if the offense was committed by them and they feel accused.

Recognize Your Adversaries

Your adversaries are the ones who express no remorse behind pain inflicted, whether intentional or not. These people will remain your enemy only if you continue to allow them to inflict pain. You'll always have people that will express their dislike over personal feelings, but if they have taken something personal and they do not know you personally the issue may be bigger than what is being expressed. An enemy will never want to see you happy, so don't believe they do just because you see a smile.

Forgive Yourself and Move On

Don't blame yourself to the point of constant self - criticism, blame yourself for not using common sense in a situation. Forgive yourself for not admitting the truth. You will hurt many people throughout your life, some will forgive you, and some wont. Some will be intentional hurts, and some will be accidental, but if you continue to punish yourself with blame you will always consider yourself to be unforgivable. Some wounds are just scars trying to heal.

Sticks and Stones

Why would you take the words of another so personal as if they are slicing into your soul? How can you make someone understand an emotion that they are not experiencing? They say sticks and stones can break your bones, but words can never hurt you, but what they don't say is words can hurt longer than medically alleviated pain, when a bone breaks. But its not about the level of pain your experiencing, its about the strength it takes to endure it.

No Regrets

What is regret? Regret is only a reason to feel shame and guilt over a situation already experienced. If you have already recovered from the consequence behind your regret, then why continue to punish yourself for the offense. Don't let regrets stop you from moving forward, use the regret as the reason to move forward.

Remember, Don't Forget

Many of us spend more time trying to forget the person we feel has inflicted emotional pain into our lives, but you soon realize that the only thing you forgot is the reason your paths may have crossed. Don't make it a mission to forget everything in order to alleviate pain, because you'll also forget the reasons why you didn't make it to " happily ever after." Remember the good and the bad; you'll never know if your repeating a bad habit, if you forget about all the warning signs you missed along the way.

Anger Is Cruel and Fury Is Overwhelming

Anger is only the heart experiencing the element of surprise. The reality that you allowed yourself to be in a position of sudden surprise is what misguides that anger. The heart is proud and our minds are boastful, but if you can’t fully comprehend the chidlike nature of the heart, why allow your mind to accept its choice as fact. If you chastise a child for eating too much candy, and the child’s disobedience leads to a tummy ache, then why would you be shocked when the child reveals their secret, unbeknownst to you, that candy was the culprit behind their agonizing pain. Can you honestly say you would be surprised? Sometimes we allow our hearts to overshadow our own logic. The logical reason for kids to eat candy until their stomach aches is because children like to eat candy. You can't expect the heart to learn a valuable lesson if it has not felt the ache behind the decision it made that you chose to follow. Some lessons can only be learned through temporary agonizing pain.

Just Another Situation

Have you ever wondered why you’re always singing the same old songs, just with different melodies? I read a quote that stated, He who covers over an offense promotes love, but if he repeats that offense he despises himself. Some have already learned that the song is not about the melody, but about the linguistic sound that ties it all together.

No Shame, No Pain

Shame. So many of us have shameful moments in our lives that we try to hide and bury beneath a mountain. What we don't seem to realize is that the mountain is only made of feathers, and a small gust of wind can make your once majestic mountain, look like a field of salt. Why feel ashamed for a decision you made? Why allow anyone else to make you feel ashamed of the decisions you made? As women, we often judge each other out of petty disagreements and jealousies. But even though I have fallen victim to the green monster myself, I could never just sit back and watch another women break her stride over a man. I could never see myself choosing the logic of man, over the soul of a woman. A woman's heart is not to tamper with by adolescent notions of what a lifetime would transpire to become. Some woman will fulfill a man's every desire even at the cost of her own moral indications. A real man takes into account a woman's heart; a real man does not take a sacred pearl and crush it. He cherishes it, loves it, adores it, and protects it. Don't disown your fellow sister for falling into the clutches of a man that didn't appreciate the pearl once he opened the clam. There is no reasoning in logic.

When Love Is Not Enough.

When is enough really enough? Time and time again I have made the same mistakes. Looking for love through desperation. Giving more only to be taken for granted only by the manipulation of fear,the fear of loneliness. But I pondered this question, if some women have become aware that the majority of men are looking for the end result that leads to post coital bliss, then why would it be difficult for anyone to believe that some men are aware that most women look for the deeper connection? The truth of reality is a lot harder to accept than the proclamation of a fairy tale.