"Vengeance is a Dish Best Served Cold" - Kill Bill

I have waited for vengeance and it never came. I waited in vain for my enemies to hear the trumphet sound off at my name. I dreamed of great riches along with fortune and fame. I wanted to be the one screaming " check mate " at the end of the game.

Vengeance is not for the pure in heart. I can imagine the words and the stance I would take, but in the end I would only fill pity for the ones subjected to my own wrath and then pity would fall on myself. I can not avenge what has already been avenged. I can only wait in line for the day to come, when truth overrides any and every lie.

Transparency

If I am to encourage another, can I hide my own flaws while professing for another to forgive themselve for theirs. Once upon a time, I was angry with the world. Angry with my life. Angry in love. I chose to hurt than to love. I chose to bury myself in what I believed was the truth. But once it all unraveled I realized the truth I thought I knew, were just made up pieces of fairy tale. A fairy is for entertainment purposes only, but my heart was not a fairy tale. I experienced people entertaining themselves off from the hurt within my heart. Digging the knife deeper and deeper, while sharpening it each day. I hid these moments only because of the concern I had for the person holding the knife. How can you tell someone that the knife they are holding will eventually be the knife used to take their life. While all the while they receive the sheer enjoyment of watching you in agonizing pain, plead with a ghost for your life.

To Love Again

I am starting to understand what real love is. I once believed I fell in love with a swagger, a persona created out of sheer disdain for personal perfection. Absence makes the heart grow fonder, but only when the truth has only been hidden under a barrel of lies. You try to redeem yourself, but that doesn't work. You wait patiently for the person to see the truth, but that doesn't work. You cry out to another, but that doesn't work. If real love doesn't hurt, why am I still hurting. Not from reciprocated love, but from rejected love.